The Kids Have Left & The Marriage Is Dead?!

Ok, so if you don't know by now - I am a card carrying celebrated Single Empty Nester woman over 50 (by 3 months 😃)

I've been married twice (9 years apart) to two abusive men ( my two co-authored books talk about those lessons learned)

Basically I am all for women divesting themselves of dead weight partners & embracing the freedom & fun of single life.

Naturally, if there is any issue of abuse then getting the support needed to safely leave is the top priority.

Any form of abuse is unacceptable.

But what about those lack lustre marriages of 10, 20, 30 or more years; marriages that are basically ok but now on autopilot ?

Marriages that now the kids have left home, are boring as hell; dead in the water..

I've seen a lot of women over 40 posting questions seeking advice from their wise women communities asking

"𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗜 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗴𝗼 ?"

Before I offer a fresh way of examining this question I will make it abundantly clear that I am

PRO CHOICE for every thing in life, including divorce...

So with that said & knowing you have the answers with in you already, I am going to give you a little food for thought

𝟙. 𝕆𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕡𝕖𝕠𝕡𝕝𝕖 & 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤

Hands up who has said or heard said things like "my job is pissing me off', "my kids are driving me crazy" or "my holiday is making me happy"? Common to all these statements is the misconception that the outside world is causing our feelings; & naturally if that were true then feeling better would require controlling or changing people & events, which is an utterly impossible thing to do.

No wonder we get anxious thinking!

The truth is, our thinking in that moment (the story we tell ourselves) about the stuff that's happening; that's the cause of our feelings.

The great news is:

- the outside world doesn't control us

- our thoughts ebb & flow like the tide, & we don't have to do anything with them to have a new experience

- our real guidance system is our ever present Spirit wisdom/intuition that sometimes get obscured by our head chatter.

𝟚. 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕟𝕖𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕡𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕓𝕚𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪 𝕚𝕤 𝕒 𝕞𝕪𝕥𝕙

In every rom-com the best relationships are made to look like they are based on compatibility & being on the same wavelength; and when it looks like once shared interests have lessened then the assumption is made that it signals then end of the relationships.

But they are wrong!

The nail in the coffin of relationships is not differing interests & beliefs; but rather the assumption that those differences should turn goodwill into ill will. We all have our own unique realities & will never truly understand or agree with each other; thank fully healthy relationships don't require being on the same wave length, but rather are based on a Soul to Soul connection of unconditional love & good will.

𝟛. 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒 𝕥𝕠𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕟𝕖𝕨 𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕟𝕖𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕠 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥

I know this from personal experience of this magnificent insight, when you realise that your experience of the other person is from your side, then you get to change your experience guided by your inner wisdom.

When you SEE that you are the creator & destroyer of your inner peace & joy then you get to show up in your relationships in every fresh moment with an openness & curiosity; rather than pre-empting unknown futures based on past conclusions.

And when you show up energetically open to receive the abundance on offer, then funnily enough those problematic people often show up in their wisdom too; inviting in close connection based on mutual goodwill that isn't dependent on compatibility.

Now, the point of my alerting you to these truths of the human experience is to highlight that if we blow up our lives based on a misconception that people & circumstances are the cause of our feelings then when the dust settles and we look around we will find ourselves still chasing inner peace, clarity & joy

Whereas, when we realise that our joy is fully within our control, in fact it is at the core of our inner wisdom nature, just one fresh thought away; then we can have a totally new experience without actually changing our circumstances.

AND

If a change of circumstances is what's guided by your heartful wisdom, then it can be done with the clarity & confidence that comes from listening to your inner joy; not in reaction to fearful thinking.

✅ If you want help to AWAKEN the joy within ™️ then book a Discovery Session with me

Pia Antico

(Founder Essential Awakening Mentoring/Joy Reboot Mentor)